Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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