Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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