i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
