Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize