Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
