I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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