My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
