It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
