Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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