In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sober January is a disaster.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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