I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
