no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
