my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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