Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
