Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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