Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
