i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
