the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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