where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
