my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize