It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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