you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
