My room smells like vodka and shame
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
