Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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