I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
