Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i think i just lost a toe
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
