Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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