I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
