I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
