i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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