Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
