So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
