i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Send help, water and tortillas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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