My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
