i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
