Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
