You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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