smell my finger.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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