no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we're making bets on your personal life
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
