Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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