Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
