Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
