You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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