I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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