So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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