so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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