Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
