I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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