I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
