I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
