watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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