you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
