no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
