when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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