She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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