I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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