can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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