Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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