I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
