Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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