question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
