Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
