Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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