Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i think my cat just said my name.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
