In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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